***pink is love... but where is love??***

2006-09-16
travelling...

suddenly just feel like blogging..

i don't know why... maybe is early in the morning or maybe i have been thinking or maybe just came to my thought... somehow i felt that i'm just a pathetic girl in nafa..

well.. why do i say so... just because what happened in school.?? ya... i think thats the reason.. sometimes i just very sad when i in sch... i hate to say this word "sad" cause it would never really happen to me.. maybe it will but not to the extreme..

sometimes i will feel so scary when people surrounding you.. they can joke with you, play with you or something else but in actual they think another way of you. they will think that you are this kind of person but you don't in actual fact. don't you all think is scary?? well, to me, i think is scary. is this the outside world?? not yet...

and actually i don't need the "whole world" in school to understand me but only some friends who surround me.. but i think sad to say so.. i don't have.. i only have my seniors to understand my situation.. especially monica.. she went through this before but i think worse than mine.

i can imagine when people wants to talk something about sabrina, they will wait for me to leave then they will say it.. why?? because they think that i might tell sabrina or something like this.. hello?? hello?? in school, i work for her to deduct my school fees.. thats my classmates.. i'm ok with people not in my class doing this but my classmates??

i'm not angry with them or what.. i can understand... but just that i will feel that i'm so not worth to get the scoldings for them from sabrina. i will think that i get the scoldings yet no people actually understand me or something else?? so eventually i will felt that things i did for them gone to the drain.. well maybe is not what they think but i felt in this way... so pathetic hor??

i don't need any in return but understanding?? thats what i need.

and i really believe that peoples' saliva will drown people to die in a way.. and even worst.. i'm so short!! haha..

people think that i in good terms with the head of dept, sabrina, so i get "discount".. NO!! i don't! i have to say that.. she treats everyone the same..

and is hard for me when people think sabrina is this kind of person but i know she's not. i will want to explain and all but.... i will just think that sabrina's effort gone to the drain.. but her effort to me, i appreciate it and keep it with me.

well i still not that pathetic because i have a lecturer like sabrina, and i'm lucky to have seniors like monica, francis and etc..

yesterday night i told monica about this matter again!! because is not her first time to hear from me and she asked me a question : " will you think that by knowing sabrina is the one that cause you to have no friends, people will say bad things about you, apple polish, people don't say things infront of you?? will you regret knowing her?? "

"OF COUSRE NOT!! i'm lucky to know sabrina! " thats my answer.. she's someone who is guiding me along the way.. not people surrounding me.. and of course my senior is also guiding me.. helping me in a way.. i still not that pathetic in a way but just another..=)

but still i will feel so scary after all... maybe my heart still lives in the land that people surrounding me is not like this but in actual fact.. they assumed that i'm a person that they think.. and this moment.. my heart just ache.. its ok after all.. i can take it in a way.. just take it i'm someone not belong to their country.. someone that travels and stays in the hotel for a period of time. the hotel not that many stars.. maybe 3 and a half stars but with a very good boss...

and think that my life is a excitement in this moment, this period..

thats what i going through now.. and i really think that blogging is another good way..

and what i want to say.. appreciate what people did for you... you wouldn't be so lucky to appreciate things everytime..

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